Drawn to You: Chapter 13: Josh

The nearly full moon guided him through the dark and got him home in the end, chilled and exhausted. Even in June, it got cold fast once the sun went down and he hadn’t dressed for it.

His parents had gone to bed, as anyone with any sense would have. He’d have liked someone to receive him in the cold kitchen, it was all. He’d have liked someone of his own. Someone he wasn’t borrowing and always knew he had to give back.

Was that why Ray didn’t get it? What he meant to Josh? Only he did know, that’s why he’d hid his outing with the Romanians. Or maybe Josh was right, about Iesu and about Ray too. Maybe he’d shot himself in the foot when he’d pointed out Iesu’s intentions.

He dragged himself upstairs to his bedroom, leaving his clothes in a heap by the bed —it didn’t matter, no one would even go into his room, let alone tidy up after him—before crawling between the sheets.

The bed smelled only of him, his sweat, a hint of come from when he’d got hard in his sleep. It made no sense, but tonight it made his throat tight, like the silence of his room, of the whole house since his parents’ bedroom was soundproofed to the point where nothing short of a scream or an explosion would have got through.

Only the best and the latest for their lovely home. And Josh just wanted a creaky house full of little noises that reminded him he wasn’t alone, that someone was breathing other than him, that someone would come if he called.

A house full of people and love.

***

The sun woke him up, persistent and unforgiving. He groaned and rolled over to hide his face from the king of the sky, but he couldn’t quite breathe properly with his nose buried in the sheets so eventually he rolled over the edge of the bed.

Getting up to close the drapes was a mistake. His brain wasn’t the type to be able to shut down again, so he was stuck in the dimly lit room. Sleepy and twitchy, with nowhere to hide from what he had to face. He put it off with breakfast anyway, grunting when his parents asked him how he’d slept, annoyed at the attention he’d craved just the night before.

It was just too much to be expected to explain himself, even if logically it was the only way they could know.

And then his father asked if he had plans for the day and he got up, leaving half his eggs. “No.”

The shower cleared his head, and he lingered, his hand travelling down his chest, teasing himself until he was hard and he could get some kind of release, even if not the one he truly needed.

But what he truly needed felt a little too pricey at the moment.

He wasn’t stupid, he knew Ray hadn’t done anything wrong. Hell, Iesu hadn’t done anything wrong, even if Josh’s guess was right and he did want to— to date Ray or something.

And Josh was going to have to admit it, again. This time, he wouldn’t throw any parties, that much he’d learned. He’d just say he was sorry and he’d promise to control himself—though sometimes it seemed impossible around Ray.

Or at least when Ray was so interested in someone who wasn’t him.

But he’d do it. There was no other choice; he couldn’t lose him.